Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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