cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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