Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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