giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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