Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
