We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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