Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
