She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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