we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
