So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
