You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
