At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
