Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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