i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
