we have officially lost it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
