if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
