yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
