when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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