I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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