i just sent this text using only my big toe
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
