You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
