Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
