I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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