Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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