I will die if light touches me.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
