Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I will die if light touches me.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
