i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
