i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
