oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
