Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
