We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
