Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
