So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize