I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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