Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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