took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
