I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
