Tell her she can't have a vagina
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize