Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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