I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
