May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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