Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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