She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
