Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
