im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
