YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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