I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
