im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
