CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
