If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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