i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
