paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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