My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
