I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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