matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
