Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize