Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
