Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
