if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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