sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize