THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
