I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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