Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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