I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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