dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
