if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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