and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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