I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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