Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
