Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
