just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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