She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
