the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
