I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
